The Waiting Game

In a span of just one week, two ladies in the miscarriage support thread have confirmed their pregnancy. So glad to know that people eventually do move on. Let us pray that things will go smoothly for them this time round... once is more than enough.

As for me... I am still waiting patiently for the first menstrual cycle after the D&C to start. It should be due tomorrow but doesn't seem to be getting any PMS signs... chances are high that I will have to continue with my wait.

Life is indeed a waiting game. Some things are beyond our control... so there is nothing we can do but wait patiently. We wait to see if the menses visit, we wait to pay for the pregnancy test kit, we wait for the blue line to appear on the test kit, we wait for our turn at the gynae's, we wait to see the heartbeat, we wait to see if the baby is growing... and of course the few unfortunate few will have to wait for the D&C, to wait for the first menstrual cycle, to wait for the green light from the gynae before we try and conceive again... and the whole cycle just starts again.

Right now... Mummy is waiting for her lunch break. After that I will look for something else to wait for.

Living With It... Living Without It

Aunty Kai Ling left for the states yesterday morning and will only be back on 14 June. I know that we just came back from our holidays but I can't help it but wish that she could take me with her. Well who can resist a holiday right? Daddy promised me a holiday trip each year. Even if the next baby comes before that, he said we can still go on a short overseas trip - to Sentosa that is. Nothing much at Sentosa but one night stay at Rasa Sentosa doesn't come cheap either... I think I can live with that.

Mummy is making improvement in swimming... not alot but at least I can now make it through one lap without having to take a break in between. Yes... that was how lousy I was before this. Nonetheless, Daddy said that I can claim two bowls of laksa for swimming one lap. Sounds like a good deal but then again I cannot imagine how many more laps I will have to swim to work that two bowls of laksa out... I think I can live without that.

A Pat On the Back or A Pack of Laksa

Finally getting into full swing with exercising after work. Daddy swam and Mummy basically just "played with water". :p High time we start to shed those kilos.

After a week of work and complaining about bosses... the weekend is here again. Mummy will be going over to Aunty Ada's new place this evening to celebrate her 27th birthday. Aunty Ada just moved into her brother's new flat (her brother is outstation for about 2 years) few weeks back. I'm secretly hoping that things will work out between her and Uncle Ben. When they tie the knot... then will she really have a place of her own. Her birthday reminded me that the next birthday girl in the group will be me. Looking forward to having a fun day on 9 July with Daddy.

Grandaddy and Grandmummy are finally on their road to retirement. If all goes well with Uncle Ah Huat for the next 4 months... he will take over full operations.

Great Granny fell a week ago and has a crack on her right lower arm. Her arm will be put in cast today and it will stay on for the next few months. Poor thing... going to be very uncomfy for her.

Otherwise everyone is doing okay. Mummy as well... cause no more outbursts since this Monday. I think I deserve a pat on the back (otherwise a packet of laksa will do as well).

Pulling Through Together

Time really flies...

It's been almost 2 weeks since Mummy & Daddy had came back from our holiday & are slowly getting back to some semblance of normalcy in our day-to-day lives...

It's also been a tough couple of weeks for Mummy as she really misses you. Daddy misses you guys too, & there is always a tinge of sadness whenever I see something that reminds me of you guys. But you guys have a strong Mummy & she is really trying hard to pull herself through this. Daddy can only just lend a shoulder for her to cry on. So, the three of us will have to do our best to comfort Mummy together & help her through this time. It's our first big job as a family & our first test, & I'm confident we'll pull through it with flying colours.

Is it Me or The Hormones?

Another weekend just whisked by. We celebrated Mother's Day (belated that is) with Daddy's family on Saturday and with Mummy's family on Sunday. Just realised that I have put on 2kg for the past 1 month... time to cut back on food intake hereafter.

I wonder what is wrong with me... always feeling down for no apparent reason... can't quite pinpoint the cause of the mood swings. Not sure if it is because I have been too overwhelmed lately with having to juggle many things all at the same time... trying to settle into the new environment, adapting to the changes in life and coping with the miscarriage. Will try hard to keep my cool, my sanity, my identity.

It's Been a Month...

Today is exactly one month since you guys left us. It would have been the start of the 15th gestation week as well. If everything had went well Mummy should be able to feel your movement in a week or two.

Though Mummy still sobs now and then when emotions get the better of me... I think we have been coping well. No more questioning why... just a tinge of sadness because we miss you both.

I used to think that we will move on from this episode but I realise that we will never be able to. We will learn to cope with it better over time but I now believe that we will still think and miss you guys until our final days on Earth... because perhaps that is when we will finally get to see each other face to face.

We love you.

The Good and Bad of Knowing Why

This silly Mummy had an outburst again yesterday... and I thought that I was strong... guess not. Was reading some articles off the internet yesterday and it probably got me overly emotional.

Guess that it was just never meant to be... even from the beginning...

When you conceive and a baby is created, it takes half its genes from the sperm and half from the egg that ovulated that month. At the exact time of conception, the cross-over of these genes takes place. Sometimes, for no reason other than bad luck, some information is lost and the pregnancy is destined from that point not to be. It might be that this lost information is not needed for many weeks, and the pregnancy will continue as normal until that time. When the needed information is not there, it is then that the baby dies

How true... the many questions which I had constantly asked myself if it was because of something I did or ate. But as much as I try to console myself that it is for the better rather than have you angels to live with some abnormalities for the rest of your lives... it is never easy to accept that fact... the fact that my angels did not have the rights to be normal, to live...

These are the most common reasons that women miscarry. Not because of something you did or didn't do, but just because of chance. Not because you drank alcohol, ate some unpasteurised cheese, or didn't take folic acid. Certainly not because you had sex or didn't rest enough. Whether you lay in bed from the day of your positive pregnancy test or went hang-gliding every day wouldn't have changed things. Its nature's way of making sure that when you do have a baby, it has the best chance for all of its life.

We saw Dr. Lim for a follow-up today. Everything is ok with mummy now and the blood clot has cleared. Theoretically we will need to wait for 3 months to be up before trying for the next baby but Dr. Lim said that Mummy is physically fit even if we should conceive before that. But I know that most importantly we must be emotionally and psychologically ready to accept the next baby as another separate being and not as a replacement to fill the void...

The "replacement child" syndrome is very real and there are two main problems associated with it. The first is that parents delay their grief until after the new baby comes or they think that by having another baby right away, they won't have to grieve at all.

But Daddy and Mummy have confidence... because each one of you including your little brothers and sisters are special in your own ways.

Also came upon an interesting website on how this lady had to deal with 8 miscarriages... the poems she wrote, the recount of each miscarriage. She suggested that writing journals, having some sort of memorial is a good way to grieve and heal... but I doubt that you guys will ever get to read this blogspot.

Saw a young mummy feeling all excited after getting out from Dr. Lim's room. I think its the first time she is seeing her angel...

Back to Reality

After a really long holiday... Daddy and Mummy are finally back to reality, to the rat race. Time flies... its been almost a month since we went on leave.

Not too bad a morning for Mummy though... just lots of email to clear and read through whatever files left on the table. Mummy's boss has been engaged in endless meetings since the morning so I guess that I can skive a bit for now and slowly get myself out of the holiday mood.

Seems like lots to pick up from where I had left them... the work, the daily news...

Sydney Sydney and More of Sydney

Daddy & Mummy spent the last week in Sydney, the last leg of our honeymoon.

On Monday, we took a flight from Hobart to Sydney & drove the 2 hours to Hunter Valley, which is mainly vineyards & winerys. We went to Rosemount Estate, which is one of Daddy's favourite winerys. They have vineyards in South Australia as well. We tried some wines & Daddy bought 3 bottles which Daddy is going to try to keep for awhile. Daddy & Mummy intend to enjoy that wine during our 10th Anniversary in 2014.

We spent the night at a retreat called Berenbell Retreat, which was wonderful. We had a great view in the little cottage of our own. The peacefulness was akin to Tasmania and we had a wonderful time.

The next day was the drive back to Sydney. Was a bit more adventurous with a few wrong turns but we managed to find our way to the serviced apartment. After a long day, we went to return the car to the airport & realised how expensive public transportation is in Sydney. After a simple dinner, Mummy just wanted a hot bath & bed, but unfortunately, the hot water pipe in the entire building had burst & we watched tv till midnight before we got hot water again... A memorable first night in Sydney.

Our first full day in Sydney was a walk around town, including up the Sydney Tower. The view was fantastic & it really was also a good way to see lots of the city without walking anywhere. The ticket included a little virtual tour of Australia which also provided us with lots of interesting information about Australia. We then walked to Circular Quay where the famous Sydney Opera House is. A guided tour revealed all the fascinating parts of the building and left Daddy & Mummy wondering why no such tour is available for the Esplanade. Then, some souvenir shopping at an area called the Rocks where we bought T-shirts for Uncle, Aunties, & Grandparents.

The next day was spent with a quick dash down to Chinatown. Most of the places were still closed, but we realised that it was mainly restaurant. Right after that, Daddy & Mummy spent the rest of the day at Darling Harbour, which included a visit to the Chinese Garden of Friendship, which the Guangzhou government had helped build. Lunch was at a great restaurant called the Meat & Wine, where Daddy had a wonderful steak & Mummy had her Fish & Chips. We then watched a 3D movie on the Titanic before going to the National Maritime Museum, where Daddy & Mummy visited one of the Tall Ships, as well as an Australian Navy Destroyer & Submarine. Dinner was seafood again, with great oysters and Fish & Chips (hoping that Mummy wasn't sick of it by then...).

The 3rd day was also the last full day in Sydney. We went back to Darling Harbour to the Aquarium, which we were unable to visit. The highlights were definitely the Seals & the Sharks. The aquarium had a 'Finding Nemo' theme and all the kids there seemed to be enjoying themselves tremendously. I'm sure you guys would have loved it too... After a lunch at a wonderful Italian restaurant (luckily no Fish & Chips), we took a cruise around Sydney Harbour, which had wonderful views of the surrounding area. Dinner was a last seafood fest at Nick's Bar & Grill which came with our holiday package. It left Mummy & Daddy very very full.

The last day was spent mainly checking out of the hotel & making our way back home. It was a long holiday which had came to an end. Tomorrow is back to the reality of work...

Freycinet National Park - The place that took our breath away (in every sense of the word)

Daddy & Mummy just got back from another long road trip. We finally made our way up to the beach house. It's really a lovely getaway from the cares of the world, tucked away in a really nice & quiet cosy corner of Tasmania... :) The sands was pearly white and lovely, but a huge thunderstorm had blown a whole bunch of seaweed onto the beach.

From there, it's a short drive up to Freycinet National Park. We did a short walk, down to Oyster Bay. It was covered with seaweed as well, but the water still looked lovely. Daddy & Mummy then got a bit adventurous & did a longer walk up to the lookout of Wineglass Bay. It's a lovely beach that we've seen pictures of. It was a rather tough walk which took a bit of our breaths but the view was fantastic! The Bay looked so peaceful & serene that Daddy really wanted to stay for a long long time. But in the end, we still had to get back.

On the way back to the beach house, we stopped at Freycinet Lodge which is like a chalet complex with log cabins for people to stay. We had a light snack of cakes & potato wedges before driving back to the beach house. That night, Daddy & Mummy treated Uncle Paul & Auntie Kerry to dinner at a restaurant in Swansea. The food was great & in huge portions that no one was able to finish his.

Today, was a relaxing day as we got ready to get back to Hobart. Daddy & Mummy took a long walk on the beach where we picked up a really nice whole seashell. After a light lunch, we drove back to Hobart. Uncle Paul & Auntie Kerry has a dinner appointment tonight, so Daddy & Mummy will have a night out. We intend to go to a restaurant that Daddy liked, called Hog's Breadth Cafe, for dinner. They serve really nice steak. Hope Mummy enjoys it too...