The Good and Bad of Knowing Why

This silly Mummy had an outburst again yesterday... and I thought that I was strong... guess not. Was reading some articles off the internet yesterday and it probably got me overly emotional.

Guess that it was just never meant to be... even from the beginning...

When you conceive and a baby is created, it takes half its genes from the sperm and half from the egg that ovulated that month. At the exact time of conception, the cross-over of these genes takes place. Sometimes, for no reason other than bad luck, some information is lost and the pregnancy is destined from that point not to be. It might be that this lost information is not needed for many weeks, and the pregnancy will continue as normal until that time. When the needed information is not there, it is then that the baby dies

How true... the many questions which I had constantly asked myself if it was because of something I did or ate. But as much as I try to console myself that it is for the better rather than have you angels to live with some abnormalities for the rest of your lives... it is never easy to accept that fact... the fact that my angels did not have the rights to be normal, to live...

These are the most common reasons that women miscarry. Not because of something you did or didn't do, but just because of chance. Not because you drank alcohol, ate some unpasteurised cheese, or didn't take folic acid. Certainly not because you had sex or didn't rest enough. Whether you lay in bed from the day of your positive pregnancy test or went hang-gliding every day wouldn't have changed things. Its nature's way of making sure that when you do have a baby, it has the best chance for all of its life.

We saw Dr. Lim for a follow-up today. Everything is ok with mummy now and the blood clot has cleared. Theoretically we will need to wait for 3 months to be up before trying for the next baby but Dr. Lim said that Mummy is physically fit even if we should conceive before that. But I know that most importantly we must be emotionally and psychologically ready to accept the next baby as another separate being and not as a replacement to fill the void...

The "replacement child" syndrome is very real and there are two main problems associated with it. The first is that parents delay their grief until after the new baby comes or they think that by having another baby right away, they won't have to grieve at all.

But Daddy and Mummy have confidence... because each one of you including your little brothers and sisters are special in your own ways.

Also came upon an interesting website on how this lady had to deal with 8 miscarriages... the poems she wrote, the recount of each miscarriage. She suggested that writing journals, having some sort of memorial is a good way to grieve and heal... but I doubt that you guys will ever get to read this blogspot.

Saw a young mummy feeling all excited after getting out from Dr. Lim's room. I think its the first time she is seeing her angel...