Slipping Away

A new life begins quietly... and it can slip away quietly without anyone's knowledge.

Mummy's Grandpa is in a critical condition right now and chances of him pulling through is close to zero. One would be caught in a dilemma as to whether you wish to see him hang on a little longer or just let go seeing him in such a state. Though he wasn't in the pink of health three weeks ago... but he was definitely doing much better as compared to now.

We collected the keys to our apartment earlier this morning. Nice place... great view!!! Two of the bedrooms even looked out to the sea. As we are on the highest floor... the whole apartment has a high ceiling. Time to invest in the Singapore Sweep... if we strike the first prize... we will move in.

Victimising By Feeling Victimised

Conflicts are abundant everywhere... between spouses, partners, parents and children, co-workers, friends... the cyber-community is no exception and I was just as guilty.

After having taken a step back (though it is still as entertaining just reading the quirky and witty replies as a bystander) I find myself being able to look at the situation with a different perspective. The one who calls for tolerance is just as intolerant... otherwise he or she wouldn't have voiced out his or her displeasure. The one who cried foul is just as underhanded... otherwise he or she wouldn't have turned to the higher authority, rallied for support from other fellow forumers or even register additional nicknames to create a false impression that he or she is being supported. The one who advocates open-mindedness is just as narrow-minded otherwise he or she would have taken other's opinion graciously. When we are too engulfed with our own emotion and opinions we have of others... our judgment will be clouded inadvertently. To top it off... we hold dear to the belief that there is nothing wrong with our judgment... (or is it just an attempt to make ourselves feel better because we are "better people").

The ongoing episode in the forum came at the right time... it gave a knock on my head... telling me that it is high time I snap out of it. The recent feeling of being "victimised" by the situation is nothing but self-doing. I had "victimised" myself by feeling "victimised". The sour feeling is soured further because of my failure to pull myself out fast. I have been too enveloped in the dissatisfaction I have for my job. Nothing is perfect and I have promised myself long ago not to allow my work to take the lead... I have forgotten about that promise. I should be the overall-in-charge... I should be the one calling the shots.

Time to channel my time and energy into better areas of life. We will be collecting the keys to the apartment next week... time to get down to work to do up the place. I'm sure I will be able to find other items to fill up my to-do list ;)

Dream - A True Reflection?

The interview didn't go as well as I thought it should... felt that I could have done better, given more appropriate answers... or maybe because I am holding myself against a standard which is unattainable. Overall my gut feeling tells me that I have flop the test yet again.

Had a weird dream last night... dreamt that I was single and was dreaming that I got married. Confusing?? In short... I dreamt that I was dreaming. When I woke up and saw Daddy lying next to me... I got a shock... because I thought I was in my old bed. I guess it was because I was confused in that split second as to whether I was still in my dream's dream, in my dream or the reality.

Feeling a little bored this morning... Mummy searched the internet for an interpretation for "dreaming in dream". I remained skeptical about how much truth the interpretation could possibly hold... even though it is often said that a dream is a true reflection of a person's thought.

This was what I found on Dream Dictionary...

"Dreaming that you are dreaming means your emotional state. You are excessively worried and fearful about a situation or circumstance that you are going through."

It reminded me of another vivid dream I had two weeks ago. I dreamt that I was in a queue waiting for my turn to use the washroom... but the people behind me kept overtaking me by jumping queue... and I ended up feeling frustrated because I was in an urgent need to let go. (Somehow my dreams are often revolved around toilets... haunted washroom especially... or washroom as big as a labyrinth which I can't seem to walk out of.) I did my own interpretation of people jumping queue - missed opportunities or disappointment in not being to attain what I want

If dreams are indeed true reflection of the one's thoughts... my recent dreams must be a sign for me to learn to relax and go with the flow.

Keep Those Fingers Crossed

Mummy's effort in job hunting is finally seeing some results. I was called up for an interview by the agent for Kraft Foods Asia. After the interview last Saturday, they have fixed me up for a second interview with the legal counsel tomorrow evening.

Although there is no guarantee that it will be the ultimate dream job... at least I am getting good vibes so far. Let's hope that they live up to the corporate culture which they have portrayed - open and proactive.

The office moved from Manila just two months ago and so it is still relatively new even though the brand is of no stranger to the local market. There is even the possibility that the office will grow further when they move their HQ for the Asia-Pacific region from Melbourne here. Sounds exciting... a new yet established setup.

It was reassuring to learn from the HR manager that being an American MNC, they will not judge my suitability base on my marital status or personal plan to start a family.

Definitely hope that my search will be over soon... and of course that I will be able to stay on much longer than any of my previous jobs. Meanwhile let us all keep our fingers and toes cross that Mummy will be able to perform really well at the interview tomorrow.

Great Expectations

Got me thinking recently that life is full of disappointments... maybe not because the people around us failed us but because we expected too much out from others.

Everything seems to be going against me and it is getting on my nerves to be feeling so dejected day after day. I try hard not to feel this way... but the feeling creeps out from the dark when I least expect it and catches me off guard. I try hard to get things moving... but every step I take forward I will be transported two steps backward. The solution could really be to simply not do anything and not to plan too hard.

Still looking for the silver lining of my cloud... hopefully it won't take me too long.

Sorry...

Daddy has done a terrible thing to hurt Mummy... While it was never done intentionally, it was done nonetheless...

We are all taught from young that all actions have consequences but quite often, in the heat of the moment, you do not always consider what your actions might impact others... Well, let this be Daddy's first lesson to you guys; always think through what it is you are doing and how it would affect those people around you that you hold dear... Because once in motion, you cannot turn the clock back to undo your mistakes...

To my dear darling,

I know how terribly I've hurt you and I am deeply deeply sorry... I can only hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me for I love you very much, and to lose you would be more pain than I can bear...

Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining

By a twist of fate, Mummy was spared from the torture of going to Outward Bound School for our Board's Staff Day. It was such a drag when I learned that we are going to Pulau Ubin to have some "fun" (fun as defined by them that is). What the organiser failed to realise is that such activities do not appeal to everyone. It was such a relief when I had to be excused because of a meeting at our parent Ministry.

Met up with an agent yesterday for a job which I had applied for. Sounds promising... so am keeping my toes and fingers cross right now.

We got a letter from the solicitors yesterday, informing us that the TOP for Waterplace has been issued. Looks like we should able to collect the keys soon. Its a nice place... but we agreed that we need to plan for the future and it is better to rent out the place for now.

A long weekend has just started... time to catch up on my sleep again.

The Endless Wait

Mummy flunk the test for this month. Although we didn't try really hard but somehow the disappointment is still there. Actually I didn't expect myself to be disappointed... or maybe I wasn't listening to my subconscious hard enough... or simply denying the existence of "feeling hopeful".

This has got to be longest cycle... today is the 37th day and still no sight of my menses. Invariably it also meant the wait will be prolonged.

The agony of waiting is however undeniable. You count the months, the weeks, the days, the hours, the minutes. The wait gets even more annoying when there is nothing else to take your mind off. You feel helpless because you know there is nothing else you can do make the clock turn faster. If only I have a remote controller to back-track and fast-forward... I will surely make full use of it.

Right now I can only hope and pray there is nothing wrong with me physically... just another episode of me freaking myself out again.

It is always so easy to preach to others to stay relaxed but definitely more complex when it comes to practical.

Fireworks At Work

Yesterday was the start of Singapore Fireworks Festival... and we were so lucky to be able to catch it.

We brought my Dad to Sichuan Dou Hua to celebrate his birthday and managed to get a table by the window facing Marina Bay... even though the restaurant had earlier confirmed that the tables by the window are all fully booked. It was a pleasant surprise that we actually had a table at the right position.

It is amazing how people are always charmed by the array display of bright lights and colours.